We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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