i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
