he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
