Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Green mimosas i think yes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
