you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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