is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
