you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He? As in you personified your dick?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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