I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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