Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
