Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
