I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
