I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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