Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
