After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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