Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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