So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
