I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
