please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
