She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
