Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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