I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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