just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize