that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
