i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize