life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
where does the pee come out of this thing
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
