We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
