all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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