it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
