The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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