And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
