I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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