Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
