I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Success! We fucked roommates!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
