I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
