I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
