ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
