So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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