I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
