Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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