He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize