What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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