i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
