I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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