My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im six kinds of drunk right now
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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