I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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