i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
