Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
