i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
