wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
