Your dad touched me again.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
