those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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