I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
