I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
