This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
