physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize