Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
