I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This girl is more easily done than said...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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