so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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