Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We are two peas in an std pod
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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