ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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