remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
