that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
