U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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