haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How does it feel to date your dad?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
