forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
