So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
